The fruit never falls far from the tree…
Our kids don’t become who we MOLD, FOLD and SCOLD them into. They become who we are, what we do and what we say, right down to the way we sneeze, giggle, scorn, frown, smile and burp.
In fact, the main reason why Parents succeed at teaching their Kids on how to walk upright is because they do it themselves (for the most part anyway). Had the Kids been left to their own devices they would have figured it out themselves. Sure. It would have taken a while, maybe a few years or even a few decades. But they would have eventually gotten there. The same can be said about everything else.
So, if you wanna play a pivotal role in your Children’s life and in determining where they’re going, start by focusing on what’s in front of your windshield first. If you’re driving sideways, they’re gonna do the same. And then crash just spectacularly as you. In fact, they’ll most likely blurt out the same “cussing mantra” as you, just after the crash.
That doesn’t however mean you should refrain from sharing your “genuine wisdom” with them. Or avoid “nudging them” in the right direction when they feel like taking a break from being a “short adult”.
In fact, you should nudge them “gently” (maybe with a pinky) whenever they get too close to the oncoming traffic, or when they’re headed straight for a wall (that’s provided you’re not busy zigzagging around in bewilderment yourself).
You should tell them why we do certain things and not the other. You should tell them the why, how, when, where and the who of just about anything that would be pertinent to them someday. That’s why our Amazing Creator injected their brains with just those 5 “annoying questions” when he “teleported” them into their Mother’s womb. Isn’t it any wonder why the very first word many children say when they’re born (usually within hours of being born) is “why?”
Now, the long and winding process of answering every interrogatory question that our Child fires at us does serve a greater purpose (provided we don’t lie our asses off about everything). And provided we don’t squish their little brains using too many complicated terms.
For instance, we never got serious about brushing our own teeth until we found out how frightening and disturbing “unclean” teeth can be. And until we heard about the possibility of “unattended teeth” falling off abruptly. But now that we know, we brush all of our teeth (including the ones we don’t particularly like) inside and out twice a day. We then floss afterwards (with electric flossers) to ensure that no bacteria or termite gets left behind. On top of that we avoid cigarettes because we now know that it’s the fastest way to lose our teeth, hair, nails, skin complexation, skin elasticity and everything else inside our bodies. Now, what if our Parents took the time to communicate this piece of information to us when we were Kids (using “kid speak”)? Wouldn’t that have caused us to pay a little more attention to our oral hygiene during our miniature years?
Just as important as “filling in the blanks” for our Children’s barrage of why, who, when, where and how questions is exposing them to some of the “bitter sweet symphonies” that they will eventually encounter one day in the near future. For instance, incurable STDs affect 1 in 3 people in the US (with similar numbers elsewhere), 80% of people who “play Doctor” in any form within the first 2 years of their relationship eventually end up quarantining themselves from one another. And 80% of all illnesses indigenous to humans (particularly the life-threatening kind) are all related to the lack of exercise, dehydration and the lack of healthy foods (mainly raw fruit and vegs).
If we inoculate our children against these issues beforehand (by disclosing the “disease” and the “prevention” in advance), we can rest assured knowing that, they will make the right decisions (or at the very least make “some” right decisions) when they get they get their first taste of bright light. Otherwise, we’ll only hear about it when the Crocodiles we didn’t warn them about had already taken a couple of succulent bites off their butts.
Now, I’m not saying you should sit your Kids down on their 3rd birthday, blurt out every crazy fact from your factsheet, and introduce them to a child therapist afterwards. In fact, the less direct of an approach you use here, the better it is for them (and the safer it is for you). For instance, if you had a folder marked “private” on your Computer that wasn’t protected from prying eyes, wouldn’t that be the first place your eyes go to? In fact, you would have better luck protecting it by calling the folder “public” instead. That’s because, curiosity has a way of grabbing us by our noses every time. Interestingly enough, it has an even greater pulling power on our Children than it does for us. For them it’s almost like gravity or a cookie jar that keeps calling their name repeatedly. You can use that to your advantage to map out some of the alligators, sharks and flying squirrels that await them in PubertyVille, in a light but very picturesque way. This would help keep them safe them from the barrage of “misinformation” society and the “formal education system” tries to stuff their brains with every chance they get.
Now, aside from being a “lighthouse”, a “tour guide” and an “ATM machine” you also have the duty of being a fulltime parent, which you do by being part of their everyday lives, by understanding and appreciating their bewildering hobbies and pastimes, and by never criticizing them or blaming them for anything. Children never interpret the “message” behind the criticism. Instead they use the tonality of the message and interpret what’s been said as “hostile, derogatory, unloving, or resentful”. Then they’ll start sticking whatever label that was “dished out” during that session of verbal diarrhea on themselves. And start living “down to” their newly “downgraded states”. In fact, the root cause behind every teenage suicide (and many adult suicides) is poor parenting and/or single parenting. Single Parenting comes with a whole barrage of other issues that we’ll talk about at a different time. I think I traumatized you enough for one day.
Buildings with the deepest foundations stand tall. They’re rarely rattled by the pigeons that gather on their rooftops. Or by the people who “stare at them” in disapproval. So, by blessing your children with “solid foundations” and showing them how to fly and sour on their own, by showing them how to love and be loved, you’re pretty much giving them the greatest gift they can ever hope for from anybody (aside from maybe a really nice Bread Pudding).
