Reverse psychology can do wonders WHEN done right…
Now, I am not talking about manipulation here or about ordering some kind of magic portion online to make your Children do their homework. But rather, about communicating with people in a way that appeals to them or makes sense to them, much like speaking to an Extraterrestrial in THEIR language (even though most Extraterrestrials in the Movies apparently speak English).
So, here are a few situations where reverse psychology does wonders:
1. When traveling abroad, always learn the four most important phrases that you simply cannot get by without: “Hello”,“Please”,“Thank you”and“Does this hat make me look fat?”.
Even if they speak your language fluently and what you speak in their language sounds completely foreign to them, they’ll still appreciate the fact that you made the effort.
2. Familiarize yourself with some of the basics of body language of the region you’re traveling to.
For instance, do they shake hands or do they just knock their heads together as a form of greeting?
And are you familiar with gestures that may be perceived differently in their culture? For instance, a head nod would mean “yes” in some cultures and “no” in others. The same can be said about the “number of shakes”associated with a handshake, the firmness of the grip and what’s perceived as acceptable personal space.
3. Change your Shoes and Socks to match the other person
The way a Man sees the World is completely different to that of a Woman. And the way a Child sees it is different to that of any Adult.
But, we often make the common mistake of processing and interpreting all our inputs and outputs based on how we see,hear and understand them.
For instance, Men are typically simple creatures, who like the same old Boring routine day in and day out. They like the same TV shows, the same foods, the same clothes, the same hair style etc. They are generally not too much into fashion, decorative items, flowers, makeup, shoes, soap operas, musicals and other aesthetic activities. But they are into gadgets, technology, outdoor activities (depending on the person), action movies, TV shows, video games, staring at their own eyebrows and of course yawning profusely. And they primarily value respect, duty, acceptance, authority, admiration, loyalty, financial stability, the safety and security of their loved ones, freedom, dignity, sex, doughnuts and sleep above all things. And they also tend to be terrified of “kittens”.
Women on the other hand, are known for their rich and complex inner lives, where they place a high emphasis on how well they dress, how nicely their nails are done, how perfect their hair looks, how well the shade of their lipstick match their purse, how their eyeliner and eyelashes make their eyes pop, how well their jewelry matches what they’re wearing, how secure and safe they feel in their current circumstances, how they’re perceived by other people, how much social status and recognition they have and how personable and well-mannered they are in every situation. They are also acutely in tune with the well-being of their loved ones, the cleanliness of their homes, the quality of the food they have, the liveliness and decorative value of their homes and workspace (when at the work) etc.
And both Men and Women use the information that they have, to portray the best versions of themselves (as perceived by them).
So, Men assume that as long as they’re reasonably good looking, strong enough to wrestle off a bewildered squirrel, has a shower and a shave in the morning, walks around with a bucketful of virtues, has a fully functional “stereoscope” and a job good enough to put food on the table, then he’s all set to go. In fact, he believes that at that point in time all he needs to do is use the laser rays emanating from his eyes to reel in the Woman of his dreams, and all without having to say a single word. And the second his “stares”cause the fire alarms to trip and have Women fleeing in all different directions, he just assumes that it’s because he’s not good looking enough, tall enough or masculine enough or it’s because of all the extra layers of skin he happened to be wearing on the day.
Women, on the other hand, KNOW how much of an emphasis Men place on “looks” and work primarily on their appearance and physique, and then they work on cultivating other aspects and traits that THEY perceive as important and attractive. This works fine for “Boys”, who are either looking for a Mommy to take care of them or are only looking for some rental space to park their hit and run Buggies for days. But, it doesn’t go too well with “Men” who place a far greater emphasis on virtues than looks.
So, overall it’s not a pretty picture for most folks.
But, Men and Women who are smart enough to take the time to read up on the topic, use reverse psychology to translate each other’s thoughts, words, and feelings, leaving very little room for mishaps and tossups.
Now, just as Men and Women see two different sides of the same coin, Children see a different perspective too. Children see the World as a playground of limitless possibilities without rules. They see a place where everyone they meet is a good friend and everything they see, hear and touch is a new experience. So, whenever they are objectified of their right to rule the universe as they see fit, from the comfort of their high chairs, they immediately interpret this as a withdrawal of love and approval.
But that too is a barrier that can be eliminated with the backing of time-tested information that can easily be found under the self-help category in any good bookstore. And just as before, this information will allow you to use reverse psychology in a mutually beneficial manner to understand these extraterrestrial beings, commonly refer to as “kids”.
4. Develop a keen interest in what’s important to people close to you
Whenever you see two people paddling a boat in different directions, you know that they’re not only wearing each other out, but they’re also not going anywhere soon. So, beyond being able to see and interpret the World in another person’s eyes, it also helps that you’re both traveling in the same direction (at least some of the time).
Therefore,whenever you’re trying to connect with your Spouse or your Kids, find out what they enjoy and perceive as important and infuse those hobbies, pastimes, and passions into your own identity. That doesn’t mean you give up any of what’s important to you or try to “fit in” because it’s the ultimately the differences that hold relationships together (much like the opposites of a magnet).
5. Mimic the body language and voice pattern of the person sitting across to you to build rapport more effectively
Now, that’s not to say that you blink your eyes, scratch your nose and clear your throat every time they do. But, it does mean putting yourself in the same frequency as them.
For instance, if the person sitting across to you talks softer and slower than you do, and you have a booming voice that sounds like a Lion after a hearty breakfast, then try toning it down a bit to match theirs.
And if they’re leaning slightly forward and have their legs pointing to one side, try doing the same (without actually crawling under the table to see how they’re sitting).
6. Find out about the person or the group of people you’re meeting
This is particularly helpful when going in for a Prospect meeting or a job interview. It’s always more about taking the time to understand what the other person or the Company more than about selling yourself.
So, when they see that you have taken the time to understand where they’re coming from, then you are halfway there to winning the sale or the job position.
