A phone call (or two) a day keeps the Divorce Doctor away.
When a Man “genuinely” falls in love it’s pretty much a done deal for him, at least until he hits that proverbial brick wall.
So, the minute his heart gets flooded with the realization that “she’s the one”, his whole world whirls around (in a good way). It’s almost like he’s been transformed at a Biological level. That’s not to say that he turns into a Vampire or a Zombie. But it does mean that from that point on, it’ll be almost impossible for him to sever the bond he has for her, much like how a Mother feels about her Child.
That’s why most Men take a few centuries before uttering the 3 magic words their Ladies have been longing to hear and why a Man whose been in a long-term relationship can’t just get over his ex over a slice of Cake.
But until he crosses that Border into the “Land of commitment (and confusion)”, he can pull a disappearing act at any time. This is evidenced by the fact that a great majority of the breakups prior to marriage are initiated by Men, whilst a majority of the divorces (as much as 80%) are initiated by Women.
Men generally have a Black and White approach to life. As such, they operate much like a regular on/off switch in an electrical appliance. So, either he’s in love or he’s not. Either he’s hungry or he’s not etc.
There’re very few shades of gray in his emotional spectrum. Obviously, he can “train himself” to broaden his spectrum marginally. But he’ll still not be able to comprehend more than a fraction of the emotional richness that Women experience, much like him not being able to conceive even if he tried.
Men only come fitted with the relatively boring Provide, Protect and Procreate genes straight from their Manufacturing plant. They don’t even have the GPS units that their future Wives specifically asked for.
That’s why when a Man seals the deal with a ring he goes to work on what he perceives as the bigger stuff, like solidifying their financial position, adding an extra layer of security to their nest and coming up with innovating tools and techniques to use in the “operating room”etc.
Since the beginning of time, a Man’s limited emotional spectrometer allowed him to filter out all the noncontributing emotions when dealing with life threatening matters (which was near enough everything back in the day).
So if a Big Bad Wolf showed up at their door wearing a Red Hood, instead of striking a hearty conversation with him, he would very politely give the Wolf a glimpse of the afterlife.
Likewise, when he’s out shopping in the Wild Wild Wilderness, he’ll have no problem staying focused on fulfilling his Wife’s shopping list and returning home (preferably) with his limbs intact. And he won’t be tempted to text her with an update on how things are going since that didn’t go too well for any of his (now departed) neighbors.
So, whilst having access to a vivid spectrum of emotions acts as a hindrance for Men (especially when he’s dealing with hairier situations),it pretty much has the complete opposite effect on Women.
For instance, a strong component of a Woman’s broad emotions spectrum is her inherent ability to read Body Language, Voice inflections, and Facial Expressions. This not only makes her a natural relationship specialist but it also enables her to comprehend what another person’s feeling at a glance, especially when it comes to Children.
If Women had a similar Tic-Tac-Toe approach to life as Men did, then all infants would be in for a doughnut, a milk bottle, a lullaby and a diaper change, every time they cried or made any noise.
So Men and Women were entrusted with completely different but equally important roles. And much like the two essential prongs in a plug they worked together beautifully since the beginning of time.
But trouble in Paradise arose, with advancements in science and technology, which also resulted in Men being stripped down of their inherent values, one tentacle at a time.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I don’t have anything against technology. In fact, I am definitely not writing this from a Cave illuminated by fireflies, using a PC powered with Apple Juice.
But every piece of technology; whilst making life easier; is also designed with the intent of replacing a specific job role or some aspect of it.
So, by the time we stepped into the 21st century, Women no longer needed Men to chop the wood to stoke the fire that kept the house warm, because she could just press a few buttons on a dial to get the heating going for the entire household. She no longer had to depend on him to keep the Burglars out, because the Security Alarm took care of much of that. She didn’t need a security escort to get her to the Mall since many of the Lions and Bears had now transitioned over to doing Desk Jobs. And she no longer needed him to provide for her as many job roles in the modern era weren’t as life threatening as they used to be (except when you have to work with sellotape and ribbons).
So within a few short decades, a Man’s perceived value had gone down from that of a fine Mercedes to a very modest Golf Cart. But the saddest part is that this transition happened at such a slow pace that they didn’t even realize it.
So, Men still continue to wake up early, go to work, buy a few lavish presents for those special occasions,keep their Ladies safe from any menacing squirrels that show up in their garden, try out even weirder stuff in the “Operating Room” and are then completely baffled by the divorce papers that show up just a few years later. That’s mainly because Men generously give themselves a hundred points for fulfilling each of these tasks and a whopping thousand points for any contribution he makes in the “Operating Room”.
In fact, in his mind, he’s accumulated so many points within the first month of the year that he might as well take the rest of the year off.
But the way Women perceive love and keep track of points is very different, especially given their new “expanded” criteria.
Women appreciate the FREQUENCY of the romantic gestures far much more than their size or value. For instance, surprising her with a single rose every day over the course of 12 days will score him 12 times the points as one Elephant-sized bouquet of roses would. Likewise, it’s worth taking note of her likes and dislikes whenever and wherever so that he can surprise her with little/inexpensive presents, tokens, and gestures that complement her personality.
So, he can write her a card expressing how much she means to him, leave a little love note in her purse or handbag to brighten her day, get her that book she was looking at when they were out shopping the week before, sprinkle the bedroom with rose petals, buy her a few of her favorite candles with a nice candle holder or get her a cute little photo frame for an upcoming memory etc. These little gestures have to be frequent and not reserved for just the special occasions.
But it doesn’t stop at just the presents and gestures.
He can really WOW her Lady and even make their Late night playtime sessions more spicy by:
1. Taking her out on a romantic getaway to that place she’s been talking about for days,
2. Taking her out to a romantic dinner once a week
3. Going the extra mile to recreate one of her fairy tale fantasies
4. Jumping ahead and getting the car door for her
5. Pulling out the chair for her at the Restaurant
6. Having a freshly brewed cup of Coffee waiting for her when she wakes up (ideally with a handpicked flower or a note),
7. Standing up tall and walking with confidence at all times,
8. Being decisive in all things,
9. Being helpful around the house (by taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, fixing anything that’s broken without having to be asked etc)
10. Being friendly and nice to everyone
11. Taking time to identify and ignite her humor
12. Putting the toilet seat down whilst making sure it’s dry after use
13. Always being happy and having a broad smile on his face to let her know that he’s enjoying her company,
14. Never complaining or arguing about anything no matter how unfair it seems
15. Using the term “I feel” when making a point, but at the same time refraining from getting into an argument.
16. Refraining from changing his identity just to please her (unless he Robs Banks and Graves in his spare time)
17. Paying her at least one sincere compliment (along with two insincere ones) each day
18. Being a great listener and listening attentively all the way through without a single burp (vocal acknowledgments such as an occasional “Oh” or a “Hmm” are okay)
19. Taking charge by pre-planning everything for the date whilst presenting her with favorable multiple choice options
20. Being ambitious (and owning whatever he does),
21. Being in the BEST of manners at all times,
22. Dressing as well as he does for work even when at home and broadening his wardrobe to add more depth to his character
23. Eating healthy and getting into the best shape possible
24. Getting rid of any back hair whilst minimizing any of his facial hair
25. Getting his hair and nails done professionally
26. Being tidy and organized
27. Setting up a home gym with a punching bag and using it regularly to indirectly demonstrate his masculinity and strength.
28. Being a Gentle kisser and taking his time before getting his groove on
Every garden we tend to flourishes and brightens our day for years to come. But the minute we slack off or fall asleep, the weeds step in and messes things up for us.