Busy and unavailable Parents have a tendency to lavish their children with presents, food, toys, suitcases full of money and automatic weapons, just to keep them preoccupied.
But spoiling our kids actually dampens their ability to grow as high achieving individuals, because they get sold into the mentality that life will always give them whatever want, whenever they want them and by whoever happens to be around at the time, and all without having to work for it.
They’re not forced to flex their own willpower and fortitude muscles.
And when it’s their turn to carry the torch forward, they’ll be about as tough and as resilient as a freshly baked Baguette on a rainy day.
So the best gift we can ever hope to give to our Children is not what puts a smile on their faces for a few minutes. But rather what lasts the test of time and can be passed down for many generations to come.
And that would be..a Frisbee?
Nope. A drive and a passion for life that shines brightly every single day like an eternal flame.
So here are the 4 legs of the stool, that make that possible:
1. Bless them with the love and warmth of a Mom and a Dad – Roses need both Sunshine and Rain. Many people prefer to replace the Sunshine with a Floodlight or the Rain with different brands of Soda when the going gets tough. But you can only guess what that does to the Rose. There’s just no substitute for the real thing.
2. Make your home a safe haven – Detox your home completely of Blame, Criticism, and Judgment.
We use blame as a tool to promote corrective behavior. And it works almost instantaneously but not for the reasons we think they do. Whenever a child sees their Mommies and Daddies being upset with them, they feel ostracized and dejected regardless of what’s been said. They see the lips moving, but the only thing that’s getting registered is the tonality being used to convey the message. So, they’ll do absolutely anything to regain the love of their Parents and their own sense of security, even if it means throwing the Cat into the dishwasher.
This also leads to long-term repercussions as it molds them into a permanent state of conformity. So, they’ll say and do whatever it takes to stay in uncomfortable and unhealthy situations and even hinder their own growth potential, just to please people and to feel accepted.
Another downside is that it also trains them to lie about anything that they know doesn’t get a favorable reaction. So, when they really need help or had suffered a major setback, they’ll look to cigarettes, alcohol and other drugs to come to their aid, rather than their own Parents.
Obviously, that doesn’t mean you let them get away with everything under the Sun. If they confess to catapulting your Cat to a nearby Planet and they seem quite upset about it, you let it go. But if it happens again and the situation is now threatening all the Cats in your neighborhood, then you take reasonable corrective measures by, first disconnecting your emotions completely from the incident and by then taking away something they love more than life itself, for a brief period of time. So, you would maybe lock down one of their favorite TV shows or video games or take away one of their favorite toys away for a week. But always make the punishment fit the crime. Banning ten of their favorite TV programs and Games for a period of twenty years for forgetting to turn off the living room lights might a little excessive.
3. Show them how to fly – Parents of every species known to humankind, pass on all their survival and bowling skills down to their young ones, very early in life. They know that without them, they wouldn’t stand a chance against those ferociously cuddly Koalas otherwise. Humans prefer to leave this part to the “Educational System”. But the truth of the matter is our Kids are nothing more than a bunch of copycats, trying to mimic every little thing we say and do, right do the way we sneeze, cough, giggle, and frown.
So, the real way to impart wisdom onto your Children is to live it and to tell them why you do what you do. The why is just as important as the how. For instance, we might know “how” to get arrested, but “why” bother?
4. Let them fail and flourish – Failure is the fertilizer that helps us to grow. So let them knock themselves out a few times all on their own. Let them screw up badly at the exams. Let them even find out that trying to walk through a transparent glass door is not such a good idea.
But when they fail, be there for them with a box of tissues as loving Parents to nurse them back to recovery.
If you pretend that the rain doesn’t exist, they’ll probably get drenched and end up with a cold.
And if you say that static electricity is just another mythical creature from a fairy tale, they’ll probably get zapped every time they walk onto a carpet and end up developing a “carpet phobia”.