How happy do you feel after happy hour?
How much of that happy hour do you really remember?
How would you feel about your Parents, Kids and Pets being given an uncut video of everything that went down during and after that happy hour?
How would you feel about yourself after watching that same video (preferably when you’re sober)?
How many memorable not so happy hours did you spend recovering from the hangover that ensued?
How thrilled would you be at the prospect of someone publishing that video online, and it ending up with a billion views?
Alcohol has become a popular cultural tool of “perceived enjoyment” in many countries around this planet (and several other planets according to “Star Trek”) not because it’s the most “scrumptious thing” anyone’s ever tasted. But rather because of the “chemical high” that we get from it.
Now, the “love of chemicals” is actually something we become conditioned to from birth. It’s definitely not something we become acquainted with on our 21st birthday when we’re barely conscious after trying out everything that our friends tell us are now legal. In fact, we get our first taste of “refined foods” and chemicals within minutes of being born when our Moms and Dads welcome us into this planet with a customary slice of cheesecake and a firm handshake.
Then a few months after that (when the Mom ultimately runs out of breastmilk), we start getting stuffed with all kinds of “mushy baby foods” all of which either happen to be processed or laced with “baby friendly” amounts of chemicals. They might not be as bad as being handed a beer every time we say we’re hungry. But for many, this marks the “first step” toward a life plagued with bar fights, beer bellies, broken hearts, road accidents, “who’s the daddy” dilemmas and regret filled hazy memories.
Following this “2 teeth phase” (that most folks refer to as “infancy”) we start getting bombarded with cereals, candy bars, deserts and everything else between. All of these “supposedly healthy foods” also happen to be jam-packed with processed crap, chemicals and even more processed crap.
So, by the time we reach the phase of “adulthood” we’re already “brainwashed and tumble dried” into believing that it’s normal to live on what many societies consider to be “food”. On top of that, we’re pretty much addicted to the dysfunctional lifestyle of jumping from one “food/beverage related chemical high” to another, much like Koalas do with eucalyptus.
By the way, you don’t necessarily need to have any chemicals (as in preservatives, artificial flavorings, additives, sawdust and politics) in a food item to get a chemical high. We can pretty much get high from just about anything that’s “processed” or even partially processed.
Here’s how that works:
The human body is designed to only be wholly compatible with what Mama and Papa nature created i.e. wholesome fruits, vegetables, greens, nuts and seeds. Meats will work too with a few complications and a gazillion health implications. But that’s it. Everything outside of this list are deemed as “fake foods” created by humans and therefore are not wholly compatible with our digestive tracts.
Therefore, when you munch on a Bugs Bunny endorsed carrot, it would get processed and digested in no time, because it came straight from Mama and Papa Nature’s warehouse. But that won’t be the case with a slice of carrot cake. It might still be made up of “natural ingredients”. But since none of those “natural ingredients” look “natural”, the body would treat them as it would any other UFO (i.e. an unidentified food object). When this happens, the body would first try and warn the brain about this “incompatibility” by flooding it with a ton of dopamine. This dopamine is actually the result of most processed foods containing copious amounts of simple carbs and sugars. After the “dopamine overload” our digestive tract pushes these UFOs onto the “slow checkout lane” of the digestive tract where they remain for days, weeks, months and sometimes even several years…for real.
So, the chemical high that we experience is really nothing more than processed foods and foods with artificial additivities, preservatives, flavorings and copious amount of bug spray whacking our bodies out of their natural chemical balance…kinda like what happens to a family of meditating cats when a Rock and Roll Rottweiler moves in.
Now, here’s the really crazy part: When most people experience this “sugar high” (which is nothing more than our body telling us to “stop eating that crap”) instead of heeding the warning, they kick back and start thinking about unicorns and rainbows. They may even see a few while they’re at it. Then when the “sugar rush” (which lasts anywhere from a few minutes to an hour) is finally over, they come crashing back down to Earth like a rocket that’s run out of “inspiration” in midair.
But that doesn’t stop them. The second they hit the ground and crack a few dozen ribs, they wipe themselves off and head on over to the nearest coffee machine to give themselves yet another “sugar high”. It need not be coffee. It could also be a slice of cake, a chewing gun, a diet-coke, a cigarette or maybe half a pound of heroin. Then they continue replenishing their energy/mood crashes using more of the stuff that caused it, until clock strikes midnight and it’s time to call it a day. Obviously, if you’re a vampire, midnight might be when you reach for your first bite and start the day.
Fermented foods and beverages are worse because they take this “chemical imbalance” (or high) to a whole new level which is why most folks love to end their workdays with an alcoholic beverage or two… or ten if somebody’s else is paying. Besides, they always seem to get rewarded for that decision … at least until they wake up the following morning next to a grizzly bear.
Cigarettes also give you a similar high, but because it takes much longer to consume the same amount of “fermented tobacco”, the intoxicating effects aren’t immediately apparent. Even the aftereffects of slow cooking our internal organs from the inside don’t become that apparent until the Doctor calls them up to amputate one of their arms or legs. Or both.
So, what’s the solution?
The solution quite simply is to…stop it!
Stop consuming anything… that subjects you to this “rollercoaster ride” of chemical fluctuations and internal combustions.
Then replace those “fake foods” (consisting of fake nutrients and fake vitamins) with ‘real foods’ i.e. the kind that allows people to do backflips and summersaults…all the way into their 90s. I’m talking about “whole foods” consisting mainly of fresh fruits, vegetables, greens, nuts and seeds. You’ll also need to a ton of water to go with all that (about one tall glass per hour) …to ensure that nothing gets left behind the following morning. This is often the case with processed and fermented foods and beverages, which is how “colon cleansing” became big business. If everybody decided to “eat what they were originally given” by the Chairman and Founder of the Universe, way more than half the Doctors would be out of a job. And many psychiatrists would become depressed over not having anyone show up.
Now, if you’re not sure how to make the transition (after having spent many years indulging in Darth Vader’s meal plan) then start by grabbing a good smoothie recipe book (ideally one that emphasizes green smoothies) and start there. I personally recommend Jamie Stewart’s “Top 200 Green Smoothie Recipes”. After that, grab yourself a really badass blender like a Vitamix or a NutriNinja so that you can turn any hard-ass vegetable that comes your way into a delicious and obedient smoothie. Obviously, if you have the uncanny ability to crush fruits and vegetables with your bare hands like the Incredible Hulk, you can skip the part about needing a blender altogether.
In addition to smoothies also try Salads. Even though I call them salads, for me they’re mainly “diced vegetables” mixed with salads. I also add in a drizzle of cold-pressed extra virgin coconut oil in there too make those “salads” a little heavier. This helps keep the hunger pangs and the termites at bay. In place of coconut oil, you could also use cold-pressed virgin olive oil. Or if you prefer you can use a combination of both. Lastly you can season these salads with “all-natural spices” and Himalayan salt to give them some “personality” and “attitude”. With both salads and smoothies, try to make them as “colorful” as possible. Therefore, a regular salad/diced vegetables plate on a normal day should look something like the rainbow (despite the weather). Obviously, you might not be able to make it as colorful, given that it has way more than 10 million colors. So, you may have to make do with a more basic rainbow consisting of about 10-15 colors instead, with each color representing a different fruit or vegetable.
You can use this “meal plan” as a guide to get you moving toward your new life of insane energy, total mood control, eternal youth and ridiculous amount of health. But if you really want your body to work at its optimum (with the minimal amount of short-circuits), you need to also try and base your meal plans around Mama and Papa nature’s law of proportions.
The law of proportions is all about consuming what is wholly compatible with our bodies with respect to their abundance. That means since more than 70% of our planet and our body is made up of water, we should allot around 70% of our tummies for…water. But since it’s not possible to physically partition parts of the stomach, we do the second-best thing which is to drink a minimum of 1 tall glass of water every hour, except when we’re asleep of course.
Second in line we have greens, which kinda explains why a huge chunk of the planet looks green. Yes. Our planet is mainly blue and green, not because some people paint their roofs blue or green, but rather because of the planet’s high water and greens content.
Thirdly we have vegetables followed up by fruits, then nuts and lastly seeds. In terms of proportions this translates to about 70% greens and vegs, 25% fruits, about 5% nuts and seeds and 0% of donuts, macarons, pizzas and just about anything else that a person with heart disease eats on a regular day. This would all have to be complimented with one glass of water every hour (as mentioned earlier).
A well oil machine requires oil. Since the oil we use on machines don’t taste all that great, we choose water. However, with the water be sure to monitor the “flow” from time to time to ensure that you’re drinking an adequate amount. I’m talking about water here, not wine or beer. When we’re drinking enough of the good stuff, the water that comes out after the whole “filtration process” should be about as clear as the water that went in. If it’s not, try drinking a little bit more every hour until you reach that point of “total clarity”. Again, it’s water we’re talking about, not anything else that looks like water.
Interesting enough, every little thing in our body is wired with all kinds of bells and whistles to keep us on the right path. They may not all sound like bells and whistles on the surface, as it would be awkward if we all went ding-a-ling every time our water gauge dropped below it’s optimum. Another interesting fact is how our original “sustenance chart” is arranged in ascending order with respect to their calorie count…with the sustenance item with the lowest calories (water) topping the chart as being the most “abundant” resource and the sustenance item with the highest number of calories (i.e. nuts and seeds) barely hanging onto the bottom with an insane 2599 calories per pound.
Umm…Missing something? Like meat perhaps?
Now, in case you’re wondering as to why I left out all our chunkier and chewier friends from this sustenance plan, here’s why:
Humans were inherently created to be “herbivores”. That’s why we don’t have those cool retractable claws like Cats do. You know, the ones that enable them to stop a speeding truck with a single pounce, while us poor humans have a hard-enough time catching a chicken with our bear hands without running into a tree or a truck. It’s also why most humans (aside from vampires) don’t have fangs. That means we can’t even “munch on our prey” even if it fell out of the sky and landed at our doorstep. We would have to first pluck out it’s feathers and tattoos. Then we would have to tenderize the prey by massaging it and cooking it over a slow fire. Finally, we have to carefully pluck out any big bones that can potentially crack all our front teeth on the first bite. This is the kind of thing genuine carnivores laugh their asses off about.
Oh, and don’t forget about the growl. A regular carnivorous growl is enough to send a Cow or a Sheep into an instant coma. So, for the most part, carnivores don’t even have to hunt. They pretty much just growl…and then feast (whilst listening some of their favorite “jungle tunes” on their iPod).
If that’s not evidence enough, it’s also worth mentioning that “red meat” has now been proven to be the main culprit behind most cancers and many other health ailments including heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, and stock market crashes. And if red meat is that bad, I highly doubt that the dudes who have a “myoglobin deficiency” (i.e. the white meat dudes) are completely innocent of all food related crimes. By the way, the myoglobin count is what makes the “red meats” redder than the rest.
Okay. So now that you know what to eat and what not to eat, let’s talk about quantity and frequency.
For starters, this new lifestyle straps the flawed rulebook of eating just 3 meals a day. That’s because way back in prehistoric times (when we used to live in the pleasant company of numerous bloodthirsty predators and other creatures that just bit us for fun) we didn’t have the luxury of sitting down and eating a hearty meal. Doing so would have made us somebody else’s meal. So, we opted to do the second-best thing which is to have “small meals” on the run. This was in fact the norm up until a while ago when one of our smartass ancestors decided to move into a city nearby with fewer jungle predators. Strangely enough, the “small meals” approach is still what works best for us because small meals digest quickly and don’t slow us down. Plus, they don’t make us look fat in any dress or suit. That’s provided we have been eating and drinking right for a good while.
So, small meals are what I have too all day and every day. In fact, I have around 2-3 smoothies and about 4 salads every 2-3 hours, 6 days a week. The 7th day I keep reserved for catching up all the unhealthy foods that call me by my first name whenever I’m out shopping.
Now, if you’re concerned about overeating, it’s not that easy to do when you play by Mama and Papa nature’s predesigned meal plan and proportionate rule…especially since 75% of what we consume on a normal day is water, greens, vegetables and hay. The hay is entirely optional by the way.
Is that it? Eat and drink right and you’ll feel like a million bucks all day and night long?
Well…yes and a no.
If you can spend all your days successfully with both your eyes and ears shut and a “do not disturb” sign stuck to your forehead without ever experiencing a trinket of stress, then yes this is all you’ll ever need. But if that’s not you, you’ll also need to pack a few “miniature fire breathing dragons” to your bag or jacket pocket, so that you can scorch through those stresses like a hot knife on butter as and when they show up. Think of it like keeping a pepper spray, a water gun and a bazooka to keep away potential muggers in the street. If the muggers knew what you were carrying, they would stay away from you at all costs. They would also leave the Country if they weren’t in the most unwanted list of every Country.
Now, the dragons I’m talking about aren’t actually dragons…but rather everyday skills that will enable you to live life in a state of bliss and fulfilment. The more of these you incorporate into daily routine, the happier and more fulfilled you’ll be…about everything and everyone (excluding your Top 10 enemies of course).
Now, if that doesn’t sound too unappealing to you, and you have got your fire-dragon resistant suit on, then let’s get acquainted with our new fire breathing friends:
1. Diaphragmatic breathing (which by the way has nothing to do with fire breathing) – Most people try to gain a little time from their busy schedules by cutting down on their breathing. Then when they have a few minutes to spare they light up a cigarette, to try and catch up, even if it’s at the cost of every functional organ in their body. Or they’ll reach for a glass of wine or a snack with a gazillion calories and 101 health implications to help them breathe a little easier for a few measly minutes.
“Compromised breathing” is primarily the result of “stress”. When we feel weighed down by worry or maybe a couple of paperweights, we have a hard time achieving a healthy diaphragmatic breath. This is not that different to walking around with a big magnet around your neck and being pulled in every direction by every metal object in your vicinity.
Breathing in slowly and deeply would definitely alleviate some of the pressure. But it would be far more effective to program diaphragmatic breathing into your psyche using a non-religious guided meditation like the “mindfulness of breathing”. The mindfulness meditation guides you through a series of “breathing exercises” that lets you experience the long-term benefits of diaphragmatic breathing, in a peaceful and secluded environment of your choosing…like a nightclub.
Once you have done several sessions of the mindfulness of breathing (like a hundred million times or at the very least 30 times) you’ll find yourself in a state of bliss, where you’re naturally shielded from a whole range of stresses, anxieties, worries and spiders. This is what most folks refer as having a bulletproof mind without Kevlar.
2. Daily exercise – When we’re subjected to stress (even in the slightest), that stress doesn’t just affect your mind and irritate your Cat. They also get into your veins and gradually start transforming you into a talking purple dinosaur.
So, what’s the solution? Easy. Beat it out of your system with a vigorous daily workout (lasting around 30-60 minutes).
Exercise wasn’t an issue way back in prehistoric times, when the only way to stay alive was to “be on the run” from anyone or anything that looked hungry or had a camera. On top of all that, they also had to carry their groceries from their prehistoric supermarkets to their caves on foot (since cars, trains, home delivery and 4-legged horses weren’t invented yet).
But nowadays, where it’s regarded to be politically incorrect to even take the stairs instead of the elevator, it’s not that doable. However, if you did have to take the stairs or run through the streets due to a real emergency… like getting to your friend’s birthday in time for a slice of cake, you’ll probably recall the sense of elation that you felt after the process. If the heroic dash you made was a lot longer than 10 yards, the “elation” you felt may have even lasted the remainder of the day.
The endorphin rush that you get after a workout is your body letting you know that it is now “25-100%” stress free and 99% sane. This is on top of the countless health benefits you receive in the process…including the promotion of white blood cells, which enable us to fend off all kinds of illnesses and home burglars.
Now, amount of the stress you flush out is dependent on how much went into your system from the day before. And in the intensity and duration of your workout. This is why Cardio workouts (particularly interval based training programs like P90X3) work best in this department.
But if the only daily exercise you’re used to is brushing your teeth, then you might wanna start out with a simple 10-minute walk around the block first. Then you can work on gradually upping the duration and intensity of those daily walks (over the course of weeks and months) until you can comfortably manage 30-60 minutes of a powerwalk at 200 miles per hour. When upping the ante, start by increasing the duration of the walks in 3-5-minute weekly increments before even thinking about the speed element. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about any of your fingers or toes flying off at any time.
Finally, when you can power through those walks without your feet ever touching the ground, you can switch over to something a little more fun and intense like P90X3. Again, with P90X3 (just as with the daily powerwalks) start slow (or in slow motion) and build up.
3. Motivational/Inspirational videos and audios – Healthy eating, daily exercise and consistent diaphragmatic breathing combined will buy you a 3-legged horse. That might not be too great if you’re in a tournament where all the other horses (including the cyborg ones) have 4 legs.
The fourth leg (the one that we’re going to plug into our preexisting 3-legged horse) is motivation and inspiration. Obviously, there are a ton of good programs out there to get you primed up, pumped up and powered up. But my top 5 resources have always been Tony Robbin’s Personal Power II, Les Brown’s Live your Dreams, Ellen Kreidman’s Light your Own Fire, Bob Proctor’s Science of Getting Rich and Brian Tracy’s Psychology of Achievement possibly because they showed up at a time when I was so lost that I had a hard time finding my own arms and legs. There’s also a bunch of great stuff by Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, John Ashraf, Barnie the Dinosaur and a whole lot of others that are worth checking out.
Now, inspiration is one of those strange birds that change from one human to another. So, what works for you may be very different to what works for somebody else. For you it could be an “uplifting song”, a sitcom, a standup comedy, a series of funny animal videos, a beautiful sunrise or sunset, a series of reverting movie trailers, a Superhero TV show, a morning swim, bird watching, an hour on the punching bag, a long conversation with your pets, watching the sea from across your balcony or staring at your nose continuously. For the other person it could be…chocolate.
Find out what it is and then integrate it (or them) to your morning ritual to fuel you up your day. But don’t skip the motivation speech and the daily workout if you’re after the whole 24-hour IMAX 3D experience.
So, there you have it. These 4 miniature fire breathing dragons will fit into any purse or wallet and will be at your beckoning whenever and wherever. But if you want them to stick around, you’ll also need them to make a part of your daily life…by using a simple action plan like the following:
- List out 4 “small actions” that you’re willing to commit to every single day to make those dragons breathe a little fire. Or at the very least make them sneeze.
- Once you have decided that, list them out on a piece of paper or a sticky note and stick them on your bathroom mirror or refrigerator door. Then commit to that list for the next 7 days…without fail. This is why you should always start out small. The dude who started running by committing to doing a marathon on the first day, gave up after the first 10 yards. And never tried again.
- On week 2, replace the earlier list by upping the ante on the 4 selected tasks. Then stick to that updated list for the proceeding 7 days.
- Continue this trend of “miniscule weekly increments” …until you achieve your new and desirable lifestyle…and ultimately your life.
Now, if you’re still not sure about the process, here’s an example to model after:
On week 1:
Start the day out with a 10-minute-long motivational video (perhaps a YouTube video). Pick the video the night before …so that you don’t start the day off cussing.
Then grab yourself a glass of water and go for a 10-minute walk around the block with some of your favorite tunes playing in your iPod. You could also use wireless Sports Headphones in place of an iPod (like I do).
After your mini-workout, have a shower or bath and freshen up. Then head on over to YouTube and tune into a 10-minute long guided meditation video on Mindfulness Breathing.
Lastly commit to drinking at least half a glass of water every hour for the next 7 days.
On Week 2:
Increase your daily walks to 15 minutes (from 10).
Then in addition to watching a 10-minute motivational video, tune in for another (also about 10 minutes long) later during the day. You can replace these motivational videos with uplifting songs, funny cat videos or whatever works for you.
For the meditation, increase your daily commitment by a further 2 minutes. If you are concerned about overdosing on meditation you could use an online egg timer like https://e.ggtimer.com/ to teleport you straight back to Earth.
Lastly, on the health front, replace one of your regular meals with 1 or 2 smoothies every single day. This is in addition to continuing with your earlier commitment of drinking at least half a glass of water every hour.
The idea is to build upon what you achieved the week before, whilst staying faithful to your earlier commitments. That’s how a great life is designed.