Finger pointing is fun and easy. And we don’t need a College Degree to do it. But if you’ve been a “victim” of more than one Idiotic Partner, then asking yourself the following questions should steer you back on track:
1. Would I wanna be in a relationship with myself?
Often times we are so focused on ourselves and what we should be getting from the relationship that we forget that there’s another person (with a slightly squashy face) in the relationship too.
We can only reap a good harvest when we sow the right seeds. And the right seeds to sow into any relationship are virtues, unconditional love, patience, praise, appreciation, joy, consideration and maybe some hot cocoa (if there’s still room left).
Just as importantly, we must refrain from accidentally slipping any weeds (garden weeds, not the smoking kind), into the mix. The weeds that we involuntarily keep in our pockets are insecurity, doubt, distrust, judgment, criticism, blame, accusations, discontent, moodiness, and misery.
Most people sow a few good seeds at first and then they sprinkle in a few weeds just to even things out. That’s not much different to someone on a diet finishing the day off with two tubs of ice cream.
2. Do I make him feel like a Man?
Men were biologically designed to Provide, Protect, and Procreate. Everything else just serves as a temporary distraction (whether he admits or not).
In fact, if we were forced to do all our shopping the old-fashioned way (without the cozy confines of city walls, without vehicles or guns, without a 911 service, without internet, and without anything to safeguard us from wilder beasts other than a few sticks and stones), most ladies would cheerfully leave the providing, protecting and procreating parts to their Man.
Despite all the “political evolutions” and the “cultural evolutions” Men still see themselves as the provider, protector and procreator of the relationship. That’s why they don’t bother doing anything else other than go to work to earn a cookie and a dollar, keep their ladies safe from spiders, flies, moths and termites and show up for their “doctor duties” when the clock strikes midnight. In fact, a Man’s “emotional brain” revolves primarily around these 3 activities, kinda like a Lady’s primary role after giving birth becomes about the wellbeing and caring of her children.
So, taking that away from him or not making him feel like he’s fulfilling these 3 roles adequately is not much different to depriving a Woman of her right to be a Mother.
3. Are you meeting “his” needs?
Men thrive on Admiration, Appreciation, Acceptance and Freedom (to live without having to answer to anyone). These four little things about as important to him as his eyes, ears, nose and shaver.
When your Boat is so close to the edge of the waterfall and you start rowing in the other direction like crazy, the circumstances won’t magically change in your favor in a heartbeat (unless you’re in a Movie).
But if you keep at it long enough and consistently enough (whilst listening to your favorite tunes on the Radio), things will eventually start turning around for you. And when they do, it’ll be so much more rewarding than winning the lottery and a free pass to all the chocolates in the world combined. Well…almost.